I’ve been feeling for awhile that something is amiss in my life. It might be difficult to understand how a woman who seemingly has everything… a successful career, a handsome husband, money in the bank, pretty shoes, a dream kitchen, 7.5 carats, and no debt except an almost paid off house in the Connecticut suburbs could feel that way, but if you’ve read Eat, Pray Love, you might understand where I’m coming from.
I don’t have children and I live below my means for philosophical and environmental reasons, but also to be free to live life on my own terms. It’s a good plan, but the execution is flawed. I live in a place I don’t particularly like. I go to work. I come home. I cook. I clean. I sew. I waste time on the internet. I daydream about places I’d like to visit, different places I could live, and the things I’d like to experience. I feel like life is whipping by me and I’m just hanging out, dreaming. I don’t want another 10 years to go by and realize that I’m still stuck where I am, still dreaming instead of doing because I’m too lazy or afraid to make a change.
If I learned anything in Berlin, it’s that the world isn’t all that scary even if you’re thousands of miles from home in an unfamiliar place where you don’t speak the language and can’t figure out the public transit system. In general, people are cool and they’re usually willing to help you if you ask nicely (or smile sweetly and point on a map to where you’re trying to go). My memories of Berlin will always be some of my happiest because I finally dared to experience something different, instead of just thinking about it, and despite the frigid weather and moments of uncertainty, I had an awesome time.
The point of this post is to say that I’ve made the complex decision to end my nine year marriage and move to Denmark. I’ve been in this relationship since I was 21 and suddenly not being in it is a bit jarring, but I think it’s for the best, and I hope and believe that we will remain lifelong friends. Despite an amicable split, this is still the most painful decision I’ve ever made, and I hope every day that I’ve made the right choice.
I’ve dreamed of living in Europe since I was a little girl, and it’s almost beyond my comprehension that it’s happening!
I don’t romanticize my situation. It’s a bit unsettling to be alone again, to leave my home, and move across the Atlantic, and I’ve spent enough time in Denmark over the past 3+ years to have a pretty good idea of what my life will be like. I probably won’t have a car, I’ll pay a significant percentage of my income to taxes, it’s not a particularly veg-friendly country, the cost of living is very high, and I don’t speak the language. But I will bring my bike, I will use my frugal skills, I will become a more creative cook, I will learn to speak Danish, and I will accept that I’m no longer in the US, and approach my new life with an open mind and heart.
I’m leaving Friday for a marathon trip that will keep me in Denmark until early March. The details of my move are still being worked out, but I hope you’ll follow me on this crazy (and I hope, wonderful) adventure…
Joni says
Sage, you a such a strong, brave woman. I admire the leap of faith and the adventure you are about to begin. I wish you all the best!
I’m always fantasizing about living in Europe so I cannot wait to hear about your new life abroad.
Hugs,
Joni
Sage says
Thank you, Joni. Your words mean a lot to me.
~ Sage
Anonymous says
Sage,
I am an avid (but silent) reader of your blog — I have enjoyed reading about your travels, trying your recipes and seeing your lovely photographs — and what you just wrote really spoke to me. I actually found it quite beautiful. I truly hope that your new adventure is everything you want and much more!
-Anna
Anonymous says
Good luck in your adventures Danmark is a great country, but be prepared to go to language school for the Danish language, it is one of the most difficult languages to learn in the world. As an American who’s been living here in Danmark for almost 4 years now i can tell you i’m still struggling with the language, speaking it that is, reading it is fairly easy but listening to and comprehending the Danes is not easy as they talk very fast and have many grammatical ways that are extremely difficult and this is after 2 years of Dansk Sprog Skole!!! (Danish Language School). Good luck and Held og Lykke!!
Barb :)
Anonymous says
Many times life is such a struggle with what we have and what we want. Some times the desire for wanting more comes with a price. That desire is so strong that it unearths you and changes many lives and many times when you get it you still continue to look for more.
Leaving a spouse and moving to another country is a strong leap of hope , faith and courage.
You write your blog with sadness and it is with that emotion and more that I wish you well on your new life , and it is maybe there I hope you find what you are seeking.
Leona
Anonymous says
I wish you all the best. I know these times might be trying for you,but they have all the makings of a great adventure. If we can’t enjoy every day and live the life we want what is the point of doing all that hard stuff (like work, relationships?) Enjoy each day :)
Brooke
Jed says
Sage, oh my God! That’s a bold move, but I like it. I basically did something similar when I hiked that Appalachian Trail. I told my girlfriend (6 months – not 9 years) that I was leaving for 6 months to hike from GA to ME. I told Stan I had to go and looked to sell my house. Everything worked out in the end. I, too, just felt like I was stuck in a rut and needed to do it, so I encourage you too! Carpe Diem. Read my journal if you want – jedisonthetrail.com
-Jed
Anonymous says
Hi Sage, I am a huge fan of your blog and know you through Ladies Night forum. As a Mod there, and on behalf of the other Mods we want to wish you well in the next new and exciting chapter of your life, and know that we will be thinking of you, and you are welcome at LN anytime.
Take care, from Anna :)
Anonymous says
I know you’ve been thinking about making some changes for a long time. Good luck Sage!You should be proud of yourself for not accepting mediocrity.{{{hugs}}}
Barbiep
Tracey McBride ~ Frugal Luxuries™ says
Dear Sage,
I haven’t visited in a bit, so I am a somewhat behind on your news about the changes you are making in your life. While it did come as a bit of a surprise to me (you seemed to be such a home~body :) I am very much impressed by your courage. I do believe that you are a wise person, not prone to impulsive action. Thus, while it sorrows me to see your marriage come to an end, I believe that you would never make such a deep and fissure~causing life choice lightly, or without sound reasons. That being said, please know I wish you only the best and happiest future, filled with love, light and wisdom. I will keep you in my prayers and best thoughts, as always. And, of course, continue to read this lovely blog of yours.
Blessings and Good thoughts from,
Tracey.
x0x
sister sweet says
I didn’t understand the 7.5 carats comment in the context of changing your life. Maybe I missed something in a prev blog. I understand (of course)the complexity and difficulty of the decision-making process and also the spiritual level equated to Think,Pray, Love (great read). Who has a 7.5 carat diamond. (….That can be sold for a King’s ransome and buy a car in Denmark).
Glad your journey is going well. I need to catch up. Best. MarieYvonne