Becoming an expat was uncharted territory for me. None of my friends or family had studied abroad, few had even traveled abroad, so when I decided to move abroad alone, I was truly in it alone.
I’ve lived in Denmark for nearly five years now, and feel qualified to offer tips for moving abroad alone to other people considering a similar move. I’ve learned a lot along the way, so if you’re considering becoming an expat, or are just curious about what it’s like, read on for my top five tips for moving abroad alone.
5 Tips for Moving Abroad Alone
1) Know for how long you plan to stay.
If you’re like me, you’ll be so excited by the prospect of living in a new country that repatriation will be the last thing on your mind. But trust me, you don’t want to get into this without knowing how you’ll get out of it. Set a deadline for your return. If you’re a corporate relo, sign on for a finite period and make the company guarantee your return expenses. You can always extend later on, but be honest with yourself about how long you plan to stay.
I’d initially planned to stay three years, but now I’m in it for the long haul. I’ve got an English husband and all of a sudden it seems more likely that I’ll get British citizenship than move back to the States.
Have a loose logistical plan for moving back. Keep an address and bank account in your home country if possible, and know how you’ll re-establish yourself when and if the time comes. Most importantly, you’ll need a place to land. Companies are very helpful getting you relocated to where they want you, but they’re sometimes not so helpful in reverse.
If you’re moving for a relationship, it’s even more important to keep ties to your own country. I chose to move for my job… I cannot imagine being here all alone, relationship in shambles, and no escape plan. That’s not unromantic, that’s just pragmatic. Infidelity in Denmark is huge. If you were on the receiving end, wouldn’t you want to be able to up sticks and leave?
2) Know why you’re going, and honor it.
This is perhaps the most important of all of my tips for moving abroad alone because I didn’t do it, and my life would’ve been simpler if I had.
I wanted international experience on my CV and the chance to travel extensively in Europe. It was my initial intention to achieve both of those things and be living happily back in the US before my fortieth birthday.
But then I got bored and decided to try online dating. I dated a mean Danish son of a bitch for nearly a year, then I met Robert. It wasn’t my intention to find a foreign husband and I’m so grateful that fate brought us together, but it has complicated things. See point #1. I should’ve been out of here a couple of years ago, but now I’ve got a foreign husband who married a Dane in his 20s and remains here because of his kids, which means that I’m stuck here, too. And I can’t do a thing about it any time in the near future.
3) Know the immigration climate.
The biggest barrier to my happiness in Denmark has been the country’s xenophobic attitudes around immigration. It seems like every other month the expat community is rocked by some crazy arbitrary immigration decision that ruins a family’s lives, at least in the short term. Most of these families consist of a Danish spouse, a dirty foreign spouse, and one or two dirty half foreign kids.
Danish immigration policy essentially punishes its own citizens for marrying outside of the tribe. I have more rights in Denmark as the wife of an EU citizen than I would as the wife of a Danish citizen, and that’s only because the EU forces Denmark to uphold minimum humanitarian standards regarding family reunification.
I was invited here to work, and I pay more than 50% of my income in various taxes only to feel unwelcome by Denmark’s immigration policies and rhetoric, which really makes me wish I’d stayed home. I’d probably be richer and happier.
Living in any foreign country is challenging, but before you go, make sure you’re choosing one that will treat you like a human, not one that will resent you for bringing your evil foreign culture into their pure homogeneous land. In this case, bigger is probably better. There are nearly 200 different countries in the world… choose one that wants you!
4) Connect with online communities of expats in your prospective host country.
Find Facebook groups for foreigners living in the place you’re considering, and get insights and tips for moving abroad alone straight from people who are living the experience. Ask as many questions as you can think of… you’ll get a range of opinions and experiences. Believe the good, and the bad… know that you’ll experience both extremes, and that your average experience will be somewhere in the middle.
Also look for expat bloggers, email them and get their perspective. Don’t take blogs at face value, a lot of bloggers hold back for fear of not having their visa renewed if they’re too critical of their host country. Contact them and get the real story.
And if you do email a blogger for their perspective and they take the time to reply, have the decency to thank them for getting back to you… even if they didn’t tell you what you wanted to hear. We’re busy and it takes time to answer all of the emails we receive, so gratefully receive our replies, take what we say to heart, and make the best decision for you.
5) Keep realistic expectations.
Life is life wherever you go. Even if you live somewhere dreamy like Paris or Rome, it’s not going to be the same as when you visited for a week one summer, or even studied there for a semester. Having gone through the process of establishing a life in a new country, I’d even argue that being a student doesn’t qualify as being an expat because universities to some degree shelter students from the hassles of finding housing, setting up utilities, getting a drivers license, navigating the tax system, etc.
Basically, you’re going to have to deal with the same life hassles you’re dealing with now, the only difference is you’ll be dealing with them in a foreign country, most likely in a foreign language, and within unfamiliar systems, which seriously ups the stress and complexity of most situations. You’ll commute, work, go home, pay bills, shop for groceries, cook, clean, etc., except you’ll be doing it in a foreign country. Trust me… it’s nothing like being on holiday.
Conclusion
Expat living is not for the faint of heart. I’ve chronicled my journey on this blog. It’s been full of every emotion possible, and I’ve felt like giving up more times than I’d like to admit.
If you’re an aspiring solo expat, I hope you’ve found my tips for moving abroad alone helpful. If there’s anything you’re dying to know about being an expat, leave me a comment or send me an email and I’ll do my best to help you.
If you’re not an aspiring expat, I hope you’ve found this interesting and that I’ve reinforced your decision to stay home ;-)
Jonathan says
Fantastic and unfortunately accurate post.
Sage says
Thanks, Jonathan :)
Kel D says
This should be required reading before anyone signs up to expatriate.
Sage says
Thanks, Kel! And so should your blog, for people thinking about moving to Denmark…
Kirsten says
I really appreciated reading this frank account of what it is like to move abroad, especially to a Scandinavian “paradise.” Interesting!
Sage says
Thanks, Kirsten… it’s nice to know which type of posts people find the most interesting, and I appreciate you taking the time to leave a comment.
Jamie says
I thought your post sounded interesting when I saw it on the Monday Madness Link Up. I was right…this was interesting. I don’t have any plans to move to another country….but have considered doing international missions work at some point. This was great info and I love the way you presented it! It isn’t all roses… :)
Sage says
Thanks for visiting, Jamie :)
It’s most definitely not all roses, but it has shown me what I’m made of… I’m a lot tougher than I knew.
Phillip || SouthernFATTY.com says
“I dated a mean Danish son of a bitch for nearly a year…” — Hah! Glad that side worked out well. Great post!
Sage says
:)
Julia says
As a current expat in Amsterdam, I can definitely relate to some of this and I’ve written before about how being an expat is a lot harder than I ever imagined it would be before I got into it. I guess I stupidly never thought about oh, you know, taxes and medical care and all that important stuff. Hope it all works out for you and your husband, wherever you decide to base yourselves long-term. I found your post through the BH FB page, by the way :)
Sage says
Oh, Amsterdam… I’m jealous! I love that city.
Elizabeth Caroline says
Love this post! I like that you’re real and straight forward. Often times I always hear or read the pros and cons of living abroad and it’s always heavy on the pros while the cons only seem to be “I can’t get (this American item) here”.
Sage says
Thanks :)
I’ve noticed the same trend and I envy people whose biggest overseas challenge is not being able to find ranch dressing! There are a lot of things I can’t get here, but that’s the least of my troubles, and it’s made me a better and more inventive cook.
Chelsey says
Love hearing your perspective. I lived in Israel for just two short years and although it was one of the most character-building and fun experiences I’ve ever had in my short 26 years, there were definitely challenges and it was hard to be away from home at times. I appreciate your honest!
Sage says
Thanks for your comment, Chelsey…I think the 20s decade is the best time for living overseas :)
Didi Paterno-Magpali (@didipaterno) says
I love your honesty! It does pay to do real research about your future / possible host country. AAAANNNNNDDDD it is good to ask questions to people who will give real and non-sugar coated answers. Plus you should ask those hard hitting questions. I’ve moved twice – to the Middle East and the US – and asking the important questions is a skill I’ve picked up.
Sage says
Thanks… I cannot stress enough the importance of asking questions and knowing as well as you can what you’re getting into. I had no idea what awaited me, and I don’t know if it would’ve changed my decision, but it would’ve been good to have a bit more info.
Of course, 5 years ago, social media wasn’t what it is now. I was in Denmark for over a year before I got hooked up with an active online expat community, but you can bet that I’m already hooked into the London community, which seems a lot more positive than the one in Denmark.
Nicole Lauren Blake says
I’m glad I’ve read this post! I makes me want to just up and go right now!
Thanks for the motivation to finally plan my move!
Nicole ♥
Sage says
Wow! You’re a brave lady… I was afraid I’d crushed the dreams of a thousand aspiring expats with this post ; -)
Where are you thinking of moving?
Tatiana says
Lovely post, definitely very useful! Moving abroad is really a big step and people should consider learning their lesson before that! Thumbs up for the post!
Grace says
Keep realistic expectations – totally agree with that! Well, studying abroad gives you some kind of certainty when having problems in that country later. At least you have a couple of months to accustom to their lifestyle.
Sage says
Studying abroad is entirely different from moving abroad for work or a relationship. I don’t consider studying abroad to be even close to the same experience as moving abroad to settle for a few years or more. Some of the experience can be similar, but studying abroad is moving abroad ‘lite’ and can’t really be compared.
Katrina says
I’m going to be honest here… I am now super terrified of going to Denmark. Just terrified. I’m terrified that I’m going to fail.
Sage says
Knowing what I know after being here for five years, I try to discourage other foreigners from moving to Denmark.
But if you’re at the point of no return, you’re coming, and there’s no way to change course, then you have to be brave. Being terrified isn’t going to help you, so buckle up, hold on, and try to see it as an adventure.
Cocokids says
Very interesting as am considering moving to Denmark due to the death of my partner. As everything in England reminds me of him. It’s been a terrible tragedy for me. So to read your post, it gives me time to think.
I am a frequent visitor here and l have fallen in love w Denmark due to its quieter and not crowded cities.