My last post didn’t tell the whole story of our anniversary trip. It’s true we’d gone to Lincolnshire so that Robert could show me a bit of England outside of London, and it’s true that we fell in love with the place.
We fell so hard that we looked at real estate, and fell even harder for a Grade II Listed Georgian townhouse overlooking a river in a conservation area. As we left that house, I said to Robert, “I want to be old with you there.”
Back in Denmark, our bleak three room functionalist flat looked more depressing than usual. Prices are skyrocketing, and the neighborhood may have gentrified, but the place looks like what it is… 1930s era housing for the working class. I try every day to see its allure, and I just can’t, so I focus on what a wise investment it’s been.
We just could not forget that stunning Georgian townhouse. With its four levels of living space, custom kitchen, window seats, fireplaces, gated garage, and the formal garden, it’s everything we want and everything we’ve been saving for.
There was only going to be one way to scratch the itch, and our offer was accepted! But buying property in England is hell, even as high earners with a 50% deposit. Of course being a foreigner and an expat moving back to England with foreign salaries and savings doesn’t help matters.
Over the past month and a half, Robert and I have travelled to London to meet with a mortgage broker, been told that said broker can’t help us due to the fact that we’re paid in Danish currency, hired another broker, been hassled by an incompetent estate agent, shelled out for a building survey and electrical report, stashed things at Robert’s parents’ house for our imminent return, and dreamed of moving home.
OK, so England isn’t exactly my home, but I plan to get British citizenship and adopt it. I’ve even planned the party!
Denmark and I have been at an impasse for awhile. I bought one too many rotten cucumbers and tomatoes at the grocery store last week, and I’m more than ready to get the hell out of here! Denmark was never supposed to be more than brief detour of a few years. It was an opportunity to travel, get international experience on my CV, and be back in the States before I turned forty. Then I met this sexy Englishman, and well… you know the story.
In my experience, Denmark is a place where average people can have an average life with an average amount of effort. But Robert and I both have an Anglo Saxon work ethic that’s out of place in Denmark, and yields limited rewards in the world of Jante. We could settle here and upgrade to a marginally bigger and debatably better property, take a few holidays a year, splash out at IKEA, buy some designer lamps, and have a boring but secure life with few worries. But that’s not how we roll.
Last night, building survey in hand after jumping through the flaming hoops of banks who don’t want to loan money to returning expats, our dream died. The current owners of our dream home were shown to have put a beautiful shade of lipstick on a pig, and nearly caught us. Though they’d recently spent over £80,000 on repairs, the roof is a mess, the joists are rotting from moisture and a beetle infestation, the floors are sagging, and our dream home is a money pit of epic proportions.
I won’t be tending that beautiful garden in the spring, reading in those lovely window seats, or playing dress-up with my little niece in those historic rooms. I won’t be shopping in well stocked grocery stores with wide aisles and endless choices, or cooking on that gorgeous range in that huge magazine-worthy kitchen. Robert and I won’t finally get our midwinter handfasting by candlelight in that sprawling second floor lounge. Opie won’t be running up and down those many stairs, my sister won’t be staying in that beautiful guest suite, Robert’s parents won’t be retiring from retirement in the annex below stairs, and we won’t be getting on with our lives.
So that’s why it’s been quiet around here, and it will probably be quiet for a bit longer. We need to make peace with the fact that everything we thought we knew about our future has changed. I need to find a way to live here in Denmark because I’ve been existing for far too long.
And I’m just so very sad that it didn’t work out.
thesamps says
That is one sexy house for sure. My family could totally live in that one. I’ve never thought about buying property in other countries. It sounds like it can be quite the struggle. If I were to buy a house in another country I would buy one in Australia. Living in the outback somewhere rubbing shoulders with the dingos is how I wanna roll.
Sage says
It’s definitely not for the faint of heart, and I don’t recommend it. Expat life isn’t nearly as romantic as people often imagine. In fact Robert and I are currently working on a book with the working title, ‘How to be an expat… and why not to bother’.
Kirsten T says
I love expat life and still would read that book! Please do write it. :)
Colleen says
I’m so disappointed for you, Sage. That kitchen looked fabulous, but if the rest of the house would fall down around your ears, it is so not worth it. I hope you find one that is as sturdy as it is beautiful!
Sage says
Thanks, Colleen! That’s the curse of loving old homes, but better to find out now rather than after we’d bought it.
Jenn says
So encouraged by your story. I’ve just done about the exact same thing… minus the meeting a sexy man part, so far anyway… love the job, puzzled by the country, trying to hang in there :)
Sage says
Thanks, Jenn! Once you stop loving the job, it’s game over. I wish you the best of luck :)
Dana says
I am sorry that dream was dashed. Home buying is such a roller coaster. But there are so many wonderful properties out there, ones you just haven’t seen yet. The take away from this is that you’ve already started wading through all the nonsense an eventual move will require so you’ve got experience and hopefully part of the process done. I wish you luck! The right place at the right time will come along. Be stouthearted!
Cheers,
Dana
Sage says
Thanks, Dana! We’ve learned a lot and. Moving country is such a huge decision and logistical nightmare, so it was all the more devastating to have the rug pulled out from under us. For now, were taking a step back and trying not to get overwhelmed by the situation.
Tracy Greene says
Ah, hugs, Sage. But it wasn’t JUST the townhouse that had you considering such a move, was it? Is there a way to make the change more slowly, to get your finances moved and growing again, and to find another Georgian townhome that you can make into your dream? Maybe it’s too painful to think on all that now, but if Jante is no longer your cup of tea, maybe there’s still a way.
Sage says
Of course not :) Our longterm plan has always been to move to England, but the townhouse forced our hands a bit and moved the timeline up significantly. Seeing the townhouse gave us a glimpse of the life we could have and made us realize how much we’ve outgrown our current situation and how ready we were to make a move. It was totally within our means.
We will get to England, but moving country is so complicated, especially when there’s nothing confining us to a specific area. How do you pick a town? We just fell in love with Lincolnshire and that townhouse, and could see a long and happy future there.
But this does give us the opportunity to play the exchange rates in our favor and start shipping money across when the Kroner is strong. And it gives me time to convince Robert that buying a converted church to live in is an excellent idea!
Alicia says
I have missed your posts but I totally understand how hard it is to blog when serious things are going down. That house was lovely but lucky for you, you found out it would have been a nightmare. I am in the middle of remodeling my parent’s old home and I am cross and exhausted all of the time. I am ready to start living again.
Sage says
That sounds like a big job! I hope you love it when it’s finished and you are able to enjoy it :)
niccibontrager says
I’m sorry it didn’t work out. The house sounded lovely, and I can tell you really pictured growing old there. But I have learned in my life that when our hopeful dreams fall apart, there’s something better just around the corner. It doesn’t seem like it at the time when I’m crying my eyes out, but I’ve learned to trust God’s timing. I hope the next time you visit England you’ll find another lovely home with a garden, and everything works out for the better.
Sage says
Thank you!
Cara says
Thanks for sharing your story. Oh my goodness the ordeal! Sorry it didn’t work out. I can completely relate…which is why house-hunting is both an exciting and stressful moment for me. I remember when our heart was set on this house that I thought was our dream home but the deal fell apart. Seven months later we got the house we have now and this is definitely a better home! So I guess thinks eventually works out better in the end. :)
Sage says
I think anyone who has ever bought a home has a war story to tell, I know I did even before this. It’s definitely not fun! I think this one seems so much worse because the stakes were so high and the impact to our lifestyle was so huge. Once you decide to move countries, you just sort of need to get on with it.
Wasabi says
You will be back to the UK, and better for the experience. Forewarned is forearmed! And now you know how you want to design the place you find that is structurally sound. The flowers smell better, and walls look prettier when they have your foot and handprints on they anyway. Thankfully, there are many lovely homes in the UK!! Are you sure you don’t want to rent first and buy once you know where the deals are, who you can trust, and have an intimate sense of the area? Good luck either way!
Sage says
It sure is!
Rentals just aren’t our scene. We don’t necessarily need a deal, just an awesome place to live, and when you’re buying property, who can you really trust?
Dee says
Ia very sorry to hear that it didn’t work out the way you wanted it to. Funny thing about dreams, they have away of re-appearing later on. Even though you sad about what happen, the bright side is that you knew up front and was saved from a house of hell. I would tell you to not give up on you dream, it just that house was not ment to be about of it, but I am sure there is one out there that is made just for the two of you.
Sage says
We’re totally not giving up, just taking a time out for a bit. I was really looking forward to jumping ship, but it will happen when it’s meant to :)
tammileetips says
I am so sorry that this opportunity didn’t work out for you guys!! Just remember that when the time is right things will work out. I hope your acquisition of new citizenship goes smooth so you are able to move soon!
Sage says
Thanks, but I actually have to live in England for five years before I can start the citizenship process :(
Amanda says
Granted its a beautiful home and this is perfect for the saying ‘Don’t judge a book by it’s cover’. It looks stunning and as if it would have no problems but clearly it does. Consider it a blessing you didn’t get stuck with this house. Keep you head up. Something else may turn up and if it’s meant to be, it will be! =) Good Luck with everything!! =D
Sage says
Oh, it’s definitely a blessing, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now :)
Ruth Rosenthal says
What a roller coaster, you’ve been on! This was a beautiful house but would’ve been a nightmare to own. You will find something you and Robert love.
Sage says
Thanks, Ruth. On the bright side, I can still hope for a converted church, which Robert thinks it weird, but which I think is perfect :-)
Donna says
And I’m also so very sad that it didn’t work out.for you! What a well written post about your adventures. But, now you’ve learned something – and once you are ready, ready in a deeper sense – letting go and also knowing what you want, you’ll find it and it will be perfect for years to come – Hugs :)
Sage says
Thanks, Donna. We’re just going to take a time out, enjoy the holidays and regroup once there’s some distance between us and the situation. I know it will work out as it’s meant to.
MrsTee says
Absolutely gorgeous!! 4 levels?!?! I don’t think I would have made a change in your position. That kitchen is amazing!
Sage says
It was a very difficult decision. However, the reason we’re in a position to buy such a beautiful place is because we separate emotion from business, even when it’s exactly not what we’d like in the moment.
We’re heartbroken, but a year from now, if the roof was collapsing and we were looking at tens of thousands of Pounds in repairs that can only be done by a handful of Grade II certified craftsmen, our life and finances would be in shambles. We’d go broke trying to fix it and wouldn’t be able to sell it.
We love the house, but not at any cost.
liannemarie says
Probably best for Opie,too, that the move is delayed until he is a bit older. It’s nice for him to still have his dad and his bonus mum close by right now.
Sage says
Opie is the 12 year old ginger cat I brought with me from the States. He’s been away from his mum since he was 5 weeks old and I’m sure he’d be fine in England.
liannemarie says
Oops – sorry! – I got mixed up with your pet name for your bonus son. That’s who I was thinking of.
Sage says
Robert’s teenage son is well cared for in all scenarios.