Seven years ago last month, Opie and I moved to Denmark and I started my lifelong odyssey of living in Denmark as an American expat! In keeping with tradition, this is my annual (self-indulgent?) post about what it’s like for me living in Denmark as an American expat right now.
But before I get to that, I’d like to explain my long, unannounced, and unplanned absence from blogging. As I’d written back in January, the work on our apartment hasn’t gone as we’d expected. Unfortunately, it’s been off the rails ever since. After firing all of our contractors, we’re DIY-ing as much as we can and will deal with the rest as it comes. If we’d had a crystal ball last October, we’d have held out for a place in better condition because a crazy DIY fixer upper project was never on our wish list.
But we’re trying to focus on the prize and I’ll tell the sordid tale in serial format when I finally have some before/afters worth showing. For now, suffice to say that we’re cooking on a hotplate, showering with a hose, and still using a duvet in lieu of curtains in the bedroom.
At the same time, my freelancing business has exploded into a seven days a week gig with few exceptions. Robert is also working more than full-time and preparing to submit the dissertation for his next (highest) level doctorate.
With all of that going on, is it any wonder that 2017 has so far pretty much gotten away from me?
So… Seven Years of Living in Denmark as an American Expat
This past year, first with Brexit and then with the US election, various mass shootings, terrorist attacks, and instances of racism and police brutality, has really put things into perspective. After seven mostly difficult years of living in Denmark as an American expat, I’m a sure as I can be that I’m never moving out of Denmark. Seriously, they’ll have to pry that permanent residence permit from my cold dead hands.
I knew going into the move that living in Denmark as an American was going to be a challenge. When I first (reluctantly) agreed to relocate, I thought it would be for three years, max. But because my work contract was changed to open-ended, getting the company to move me back to the US wasn’t nearly as straightforward as moving over. I spent most of years three to five feeling trapped, isolated, and frustrated. Fortunately, things have worked out for me and I don’t regret moving and all of the struggles that living in Denmark as an American expat has brought over these past seven years.
I’m past whining about the (insane) taxes and pay up my 8% so that everyone can have healthcare. Robert and I both have pre-existing conditions and being self-employed, it’s been a luxury not worrying about health insurance. And when one of our pre-existing conditions needs emergency attention, an ambulance, paramedic team, and doctor show up in less than five minutes… and we never see a bill.
This sign recently popped up at a park Aarhus. At first, I wasn’t sure how I felt about The Same For Everyone. After a lot of reflection, I agree with it on balance and it’s one of the things I’ve come to love about Denmark. There’s a baseline of “the same for everyone” concerning healthcare, education, and basic needs. After that, it’s up to the individual. I’m totally on board with that even if it means having less in Denmark than I might have in another country. Really, how much disposable income does one person need?
A few years ago, I would’ve had at least 101 reasons why everyone doesn’t deserve the same. Now I’ve come around and in my experience living in Denmark as an American expat, I believe that having everyone’s basic needs met creates a better and more peaceful society. I’ve written before about how I walk around at night (winter is practically one very long night) without worrying about being robbed. Panhandlers pretty much don’t exist here and any Danish citizen who’s homeless is (literally) homeless by choice. I recently read a statistic that there’s no US state in which someone working full-time for minimum wage can afford a two bedroom apartment. I just can’t comprehend that.
Robert and I often say, “say what you want about the taxes, but Denmark just works.” In exchange for paying high taxes, we live in a country that functions extremely well. For example, the IRS requires a specific form issued by the Danish government in order to claim an exemption from US self-employment tax. According to the IRS website, this form must be requested via snail mail to an address in Denmark. When my first request was returned as undeliverable, I contacted the IRS and was given another wrong address. After much frustration and many phone calls in Denmark, I finally tracked down the right place and submitted the request by email (because everything in Denmark is online). I had the form in hand two days later and a few days after that someone called to make sure I had what I needed. That’s Denmark in a nutshell.
Btw… I haven’t even flown over US airspace in nearly 6 years yet I still have to file a tax return and disclose my bank accounts to the IRS. How ridiculous is that? After seeing how much self-employment tax I would’ve owed to the IRS, Denmark actually looks like a bargain. Between the cost of health insurance and self-employment tax on top of US income tax, I don’t think I could afford to be a freelancer in the States.
Living in an international city like Aarhus is so very different from where I lived in the beginning. I’ll always feel like an outsider and paying attention to the immigration debate will always make me feel unwelcome. But is it any better for foreigners living in America, or anywhere else? I do my best to separate politics from my daily life and tune out the immigration debate because I have permanent residency, my own business, and have managed, despite myself and many roadblocks, to build an awesome life with an awesome man in a country that’s foreign to both of us.
The peculiarities that drove me nuts in the beginning don’t really register anymore. I barely even remember the things I used to miss from home (except a bathtub… I still very much miss having a bath). My last grocery shop (I shop daily) consisted of rugbrød, koldskål, and a type of Danish breakfast cheese… it doesn’t get much more Danish than this!
Aarhus has a distinctly bohemian vibe to it, which complements Denmark’s overall laid-back vibe very well. On Pride Weekend, 7-11 gave out rainbow flags, the city busses flew the rainbow flag, there was a parade, and this awesome bench popped up in the park near our apartment. The live and let live attitude of the Danes suits me down to the ground.
Despite the chaotic state of our apartment, life is good. Robert is a perfect partner in crime. I live in a country I trust and in a city where I feel safe. I’m clearly foreign but I don’t fear the police. I’m making a living doing something I love and I get to sleep in and work from home with my cat pretty much every day. While Denmark may never truly feel like home, I’ve fallen in love this crazy little country! Its ideology matches my values and it’s treating me well on balance.
A few years ago I wouldn’t have believed that I’d end up here, but life is an interesting journey. You can read more about that in my past “anniversary” posts here… first year, second year, third year, fourth year, fifth year, sixth year.
The Future of Sage & Simple
I’ve been back and forth on whether to keep on blogging or close up shop. Writing and editing full-time for clients has drastically cut into the time I can spend on my own projects and I feel like I’m either working on projects for other people or working on the apartment.
The thought of not blogging at all doesn’t feel like the right call. So for now, I’ll just see how it goes. After a long dark winter, it feels like the light nights of Danish summer are giving me new energy :)
Kelly M says
Had I stayed in Denmark, I too would’ve moved to Aarhus – it’s a great little city, my favorite Danish town.
Having children, I was more tightly bound to the US, and my advanced age made it problematic for me to retire in Europe. Those two things, combined with homesickness, brought me back to the US Pacific NW. It was the right move for me, although I often wonder how I would’ve fared had I decided to stay in DK when LEGO had asked me to. Reading your blog gives me some insight into how things could’ve gone for me – your car adventures, moving and apartment adventures, etc. But who would’ve brought me my American goodies in their carry-on luggage? :)
Last November, I had some serious second thoughts about staying in the US after we elected a giant human-shaped turd, and it’s been very tough here for a lot of people. I’m angry a lot of the time at the stupidity of my fellow Americans. But I’m also more fired up and involved in resistance movements, and I’m actually paying for my news (Washington Post subscription) for the first time in a couple of decades. My country needs me now and I’m here for it; we’re stronger than any one demagogue, and This Too Shall Pass.
And on the other hand… I miss a lot of the things about Denmark you mention. But I’m glad you’re enjoying your well-deserved happy life, DIY woes notwithstanding.
Sage says
Hi Kelly!
Thanks :) I’ll always be appreciative of your mule service back in those early years ; -)
Good for you for getting involved instead of just complaining on social media, more people should follow your lead. And thank you for not calling him a “demigod,” that makes the copy editor in me stabby!
Denmark really is a crap shoot, some people end up loving it, many people hate it as I’m sure you know. I think living abroad no matter where you are is difficult once the “OMG! I’m living in Europe (or Asia, Australia, some random island, etc.)” wears off. I’m just happy that the planets seemed to finally have aligned for me.
April says
Wow! This is an amazing story. I read every word. It is so nice to hear that you’re finally enjoying Denmark and that the taxes make the society a better place to live. I always assumed it was so based on reading about it, but I have never been. I’m pushing Denmark higher on my list of places to visit and I’ll continue wishing that the US starts moving towards getting rid of homelessness and giving health care and housing to all.
Sage says
Thanks, April… I’m not sure you’d want to vacation here (not enough to do) but all in all, it’s a nice place to live and the US could definitely learn a thing or two from the Danes :)
Melanie says
I enjoy reading about your experiences. I’ve never thought about living in another country, but I’m always fascinated by those who are brave enough to try it. I’d love to come sight see!
Ladonna Maxwell Dennis says
I really love your blog! I spent a total of 5 years in Germany, serving in the Army. Europe as a whole (back in the late 80’s/early 90’s) definitely had a different vibe than here in the U.S. Laid back, work hours weren’t long, etc. They sure do things different in Europe! My first 2 years in Germany it took me a while to grasp the atmosphere. The second time I went, I embraced it, and being young and single, I felt like I had the world in my hands! You definitely shed a lot of light on the conditions in Denmark!
Sage says
Thanks, Ladonna. I totally embraced it when I first got here, then I felt like it beat me down, but now I’m on the other side of that and seeing the upsides of living here. Can’t beat the 37.5 hour corporate work week, the six weeks paid holiday… and the rest of it :) Why did I go self-employed?
Crystal VanTassel-Lopez says
It would be hard to live seven years away from family. What a challenge it must have been to learn a new environment and way of life. Not sure if it would be fun or stressful learning to grocery shop in a new place.
Sage says
OMG! Grocery shopping… lol! I made so many mistakes! In the beginning, I had like 4 jars of sweet pickles in my fridge (they don’t do dill pickles over here) and I made enchiladas with caraway seeds instead of cumin because the names are similar (kommen vs. spidskommen).
Tracey McBride says
Congratulations on your seven years in Denmark Sage! It’s been a great pleasure following your and Opie’s adventures. It’s my hope you don’t abandon blogging altogether as I do enjoy checking in on how you and yours are faring. I think of you quite often and always am sending best thoughts your way for all that is good.
Warmly,
Tracey
XoX
Sage says
Tracey! It always makes my day when you comment :)
Censie Sawyer says
Denmark is a place my husband and I would really love to visit one day. My sister in law and her family live in Amsterdam and they visit parts of Denmark with their kids often. We have heard amazing things. Thank you for sharing your experiences.
Sage says
Amsterdam is probably a better place to visit, though it’s one of my favorite cities so I’m probably biased. Denmark is lovely, especially in the summer when the sun barely sets, but there’s so much more to see in a city like Amsterdam!
Monica Y says
I have always wanted to visit Denmark and after reading this, I really want to visit. Your experience sounds amazing. I am living away from home now, and the experiences my son have are so unique and awesome. I cannot wait to hear about your future adventures, keep blogging you do a great job.
Sage says
Thanks Monica. In all honesty, when I was traveling here for work I didn’t enjoy Denmark at all (I wrote a bit about that in 2009). I don’t recommend Denmark as a holiday destination, but it can be a lovely place to live if you find the right place and can navigate their extremely strict immigration laws.
JenellBStewart says
Traveling and being away from “home” and where you’re most comfortable can be hard, but I’m glad you have adjusted and are enjoying your time in Denmark. I love your healthcare silver lining (high tax, but great healthcare). I might just have to move to Denmark myself…Lol!
Sage says
I kind of don’t have a choice ; -) But yeah, compared to other places, Denmark has a lot going for it and as a freelancer, not having to work about health insurance is a huge burden lifted. The thought of having to get re-established in the States is daunting to say the least.
Kiwi says
Wow 7 years in Denmark. Congrats to you and also I know it hasnt been the safest place to live in Europe with the news always blairing something tragic or negative but hey America has a bunch of crazy stuff too. I think you should definitely keep blogging, don’t let work make you close up shpw just blog when you can don’t make it a chore, these are your virtual diaries for life!
Sage says
Thanks, Kiwi :) You’re right about the diary aspect… I often find myself reading posts from my early days here and I’m glad to have them. So many memories and experiences get lost in the rush of everyday life. It’s nice to relive some of it and to see how far I’ve come.
Carin Kilby Clark says
I’ve always wondered what it would be like to move to another Country as an American. I’ve heard nothing but great things about Denmark and it sounds like you’ve found a great home. Thanks for sharing your experience.
Ali Rost says
My goodness, you’ve sure had quite a start to 2017. My husband and I built a house a number of years ago and did most of the work ourselves. I feel your pain of showering with the garden hose and cooking with the barest of essentials. Even though you know it’s temporary, it’s still draining when all you want to do is come home to a clean and put-together place. To your post about living in Denmark. I had no idea about the healthcare system there. Not having to take that into account would be such a wonderful thing!
Sage says
You’re a brave soul building a whole house! I can’t believe the poor quality of work by our contractors… $20K for a tiny bathroom remodel and the tiling is unfinished and looks awful, and I still don’t have a proper shower! And we have no recourse because “it’s functionally ok.” I’m going to need that healthcare for when I finally snap ; -)
Donna Ward says
Wonderful writing – and I so agree with your statement ‘everyone’s basic needs met creates a better and more peaceful society – There is way too much self-interest going on in many parts of the world.
So glad that you are settled in very nicely – very wonderful :)
Sage says
Thank you, Donna :) It’s a very different outlook to what I was used to in the States. I often wonder if I’d be able to move back after living for so long in such a different type of society. Fortunately, I don’t have to find out, unless I want to.
Anonymous says
I’m glad you’re at long last feeling happier about where you are.
It has been interesting to read about your experiences, both pro & con.
Darisa says
I saw the update on IG and screamed! It’s exciting to read that your business has grown so much! I’m very happy to read that you’ve grown to love living in Denmark. I too market shop almost daily. It comes from growing up in the DR and PR. My American friends don’t get it but I like fresh things and honestly long grocery lists make me sick to my stomach. Off to read your other updates. Dari
Sage says
Thanks Darisa :) I can either continue to fight it or bloom where I’m planted, so I’m gonna bloom!
xo