Two months ago, I thought there were few things worse than being (twice) divorced and alone. Now I can tell you that there are far worse things than being divorced and alone. Being married to that arrogant pint-sized man-child and all of the bullshit and baggage that came with him was far worse than being on my own again, divorced and alone.
As I’m settling into my new (single) life, I’m actually loving it! I’m getting used to the idea that life is on my terms now. If I want to cut my hair, I cut my hair. If I want to travel, I travel. I thought I deserved one helluva divorce present, so I bought one. And I use as much “colourful language” as I like because that’s just me.
I can put celery in my potato salad again. I don’t have to worry about avoiding beans and mushrooms or accommodating “gluten allergies” that disappear when cake or cookies appear, because I never have to cook for someone else’s kids ever again! I don’t have to clean up other people’s messes, do other people’s laundry, finance someone else’s champagne taste, deal with anyone’s parental guilt issues, or be kept awake by someone’s snoring. I can decorate my apartment with all the velvet furniture, fringes, lace curtains, fairy lights, and secondhand treasures I can find! And I decide who’s invited in, when, and for how long.
A Long Weekend in Amsterdam
The opportunity to travel was a major factor in my decision to move to Denmark. In the early days of my relationship with sir fancypants, we’d gone to Stockholm, Rome, London, Lake Como, Gibraltar (for our wedding), the Hamburg Christmas Markets, and Athens. On our first date, he’d asked me “to travel the world” with him. He’s promised me a book tour in China, a friend’s wedding in India, and a sabbatical in Prague. Then our traveling dwindled to cruising and a few trips to London a year, which we’d combined with visiting his family. Travel was yet another part of me that I’d relinquished. It was a gift I used to give myself a few times a year, and always for my birthday. I’ve missed it so much!
So in keeping with this life on my own terms thing, I just took a long weekend in Amsterdam. Because I can. I visited my friends (hi, Vicky & MacGyver), ate awesome Chinese and Indian food (haven’t found any in Aarhus), binged on Cinnabon (also not in Aarhus), ate awesome falafel at a huge bazaar, learned how to make Brazilian cheese bread (MacGuyver is Brazilian), had my make-up done, bought a gorgeous new lipstick (MAC New York Apple), shopped, and did Amsterdamy things ;)
Europe was in the middle of a crazy Arctic weather streak and it was unbearably cold, so I didn’t get many Amsterdam photos. But, I found one of the best shops ever (to me anyway) and took plenty of photos of that! It’s an oriental art and gift shop called Ta-hwa located across from the floating flower market at Singel 514 (they also sell online). It’s a family-owned business now run by the third generation.
A gorgeous satin kimono (the pink one) caught my eye and I was expecting tourist trap prices but was pleasantly surprised (€13,95). I’d been looking for a kimono since my birthday in 2015, when I first looked for one in London’s Chinatown and came up empty-handed.
I stocked up on incense, especially my all-time favorite, Nag Champa, which takes me right back my misspent youth circa the early-mid 90s!
I wish I needed new bowls…
or statues…
or chopsticks.
I need this lantern in my life, but they wouldn’t ship it because they said it would break.
I see a road trip in Vicky’s future.
I was going buy a change purse, but Vicky is the sort of friend who will save you from imminent grannydom by saying, “you’re gonna look like a Chinese grandma with that” which of course causes you to reconsider and make the right decision.
And the whole reason we went into the store in the first place! We both bought new kimonos (mine matches my kitchen) and we brought home a man version for MacGyver :)
I pretty much want to live here!
Divorced and Alone Isn’t So Bad
While I might be divorced and alone, my first six weeks as a divorcée haven’t been nearly as dismal as I’d feared when this first went down. My awesome friends (you know who you are and I love you), the best cat in the world, a fabulous apartment, more strength than I thought I had in me, and the fact that sir fancypants made such an ass of himself during the divorce have made this transition as easy as it could’ve been under the circumstances.
After months of desperately trying to prove that I was worth keeping, I didn’t get what I wanted. And it’s more than ok that I didn’t get my way this time. I’m destined for better things and it’ll be a cold day in hell before I’ll beg someone to love me ever again.
Vicky says
That was such a fun, although freezing, weekend. I’m so glad you got your groove back :) Next time, better weather!
Sage says
You totally helped :)
Noel says
It looks like you had an amazing time. Much deserved. Enjoy!
Sage says
Thanks, Noel! It was the perfect “divorcemoon” :)
The Offbeat Adventuress says
Glad you’ve got your groove back, girl! When I broke up with my ex a wise woman said the following thing to me, “When you’re alone, every day is a new day, when you’re in a relationship, every day is the same day.” I love that every day is a fresh opportunity for me now. I love the freedom to live life on my own terms that being single gives me, and I DO NOT miss listening to man-snoring every night! I would not be on the adventure I’m on now if I was in a relationship, that’s for sure!
I recently had a trip to Amsterdam too and it was so great to be back there as an adult. The last time I had been there I was 22, broke and interested in *ahem* slightly more low brow entertainment than I am now. Not to say I didn’t do *anything* scandalous in Amsterdam this time… but I also discovered a lot of new things I hadn’t tried before. I love that you got the Nag incense, that was a favorite of mine as a youth too…
Sage says
There’s so much truth in that wise woman’s words! I always thought I needed a partner to be happy, but looking back, my happiest times have been on my own. I was conditioned to think that I was somehow incomplete without a man. That bullshit stops now.
And what’s a trip to Amsterdam without a little scandalous activity? I wouldn’t have it any other way :)
Heather says
It can be so difficult to see how much you’re giving up when you’re smack dab in the middle and feeling like you’re in love. I’m sorry you had to go through this but I can tell just from reading your blog that you feel like a weight has lifted. May it all be amazing from now on. He sounds like an unhappy person and it’s sad for him but better you don’t have to share in that burden. ❤️
Sage says
Thank you, Heather. I loved him, so I’ll always feel a sadness for the miserable little man he became. He was so, so nasty to me in the end and it’s a relief to feel that negativity leave my life.
Carolyn says
Wow, what a GREAT blog entry!! I can “read” how much happier you are! I think that in the future you will look back on this marriage with an understanding that it brought you to a better place. You have always known who you are but reading this shows me that you clearly KNOW yourself and what you want. You’re looking at the world through your own glasses (not sure if that makes sense) and you know what you want and what you don’t want.
It’s wonderful to see you so light and happy!!
Sage says
I don’t think this marriage has brought me to a better place at all. If anything, it held me back and could’ve ruined me financially. I’m just happy that I was smart and independent enough to have the foresight to get a prenup and build my business to where it is now. When I first started up, he used to say I was “semi-retired.” I resented that he saw it as a vanity project and I dread to think about where I’d be if I’d settled into a life of decorating and spa appointments (not that he could’ve afforded it). That said, I do think that this marriage has taught me some life lessons that I’ll remember as I move on. First and foremost, I’m enough on my own. From here on out I will be relentless in deciding who I allow into my life and in what capacity.
Carolyn Lee says
I just saw this reply so I’ll agree with you at this late date, you are enough on your own. And I am glad you got your prenup and built your business to allow you your financial freedom. I’m sorry he minimized your business, your hard work and your creativity with his language. That was unnecessary and hurtful.
Good luck as you go forward!
Linda Marie says
You could make BILLIONS being a tour guide, or Personal Shopper, or travel writer!!!!! Loved being on your trip with you through your photos. Your life is yours now. ENJOY!!! You don’t need anyone raining on your parade or casting dark clouds over your life. I’m so glad to see you smile!!!! CONGRATS on you being 100% you.
Sage says
You’re too sweet! Thank you, Linda Marie :)
Tracey says
Love Love love to you and Opie.
XoX
Sage says
It’s always nice to know you’ve stopped by :)
Janice keating says
How wonderful that you’re so happy.
It’s nice being able to do what you wish and not answer to anyone. It’s a great feeling.
Looking forward to hearing more about your exciting journey.
Sage says
Thank you, Janice. It’s definitely a lot different from what I’ve been used to and I like it!
Faith says
Love that you’re traveling again and moving on. The best xyz is a life well lived. And you’re living it, girl. You get to be accountable to you and only you, once again. Enjoy your treasures and memories.
Sage says
I will, Faith… and thank you :) My freedom seems even sweeter when I look back on everything he put me through.
Gisele says
Good for you!! Being alone isn’t bad at all. I never married and can’t imagine having someone tell me what to do or dictate what ingredients I can put in potato salad. Bless your heart! It looks like your trip was amazing and I love your kimono, beautiful!!
Sage says
Gisele, I’m starting to think that the ladies who never married have the right idea! Most of my misery in life has been tied one way or another to men. I’ve always been fiercely independent, so why haven’t I caught onto this way of thinking sooner?
btw… I clicked over to your blog and it looks very interesting. I’m going to visit it again when I have more time :)
Barbara Paola says
You sound so happy! You are so much better off without him.
Sage says
True dat, Barb! I hope he’s living the life he deserves :)
RuthNYC says
Yay, Sage!! You’re back on track and living YOUR life, as you want.
Sage says
I am :) Fortunately it was just a short detour. It’s awesome to be back in charge and answering to no one except a ginger cat!
Gracey says
Yeah for you! I love New York Apple…I’m a fan of MAC
Sage says
I’d been mourning Chic since it was discountinued and was about to give into extortion on Ebay, but I think I like New York Apple even better than Chic :)
Anon says
You look beautiful. I admire your courage.
Sage says
Thank you :)
Zulma says
Hi Sage:
I am in Denmark for work these two weeks and came across your blog. I loved it!
I live in Germany since DEC of 2016, you guessed it, military tour.
My husband and I have travelled as much as we can, we have two Chocolate labs so it’s not always feasible. Anyhow, my first time in Denmark seems a sweet surprise, seems so clean and peaceful that I felt it matched my persona, although, I am aware of its winters and that scares me. I lived in Seattle for close to 8 years and it’s grey skies drove me almost crazy so I left!
Today we drove to Harning for lunch and was a little treat. Wish you were closer to meet for coffee. I love talking to people about their lives and makes them tick.
We have future plans of a retirement in Spain, and will try to visit Valencia in NOVEMBER. Anyhow, if you see this, I’d love to hear from you.